Seattle, WA – A growing number of Amazon warehouse workers have come forward with bizarre claims about “strange nighttime rituals” inside fulfillment centers, alleging that company founder Jeff Bezos “moves exactly like Nosferatu” whenever he makes one of his rare on-site visits.
“I always thought the guy looked kinda… unusual,” said one anonymous worker at an Amazon facility in Ohio. “But then I saw him in person. He doesn’t just walk—he kinda glides. And his hands? Creepiest thing I’ve ever seen. They just hover in the air, all claw-like. It’s Nosferatu! It has to be!”
Workers Describe “Deeply Unsettling” Encounters
Multiple employees have reported eerily similar experiences when Jeff Bezos visits warehouses after hours, including:
- Lights flickering for no reason whenever he enters the building.
- A sudden drop in temperature, even in facilities with no air conditioning.
- Warehouse robots “malfunctioning” and spinning in circles when Bezos gets too close.
- A complete lack of footsteps—Bezos moves, but no sound is ever heard.
- Workers feeling “an overwhelming sense of dread” when they accidentally make eye contact with him.
“I was stacking boxes when I turned around and saw him standing perfectly still in the shadows,” said another worker. “I don’t know how long he’d been there. I swear, he wasn’t breathing. Then, suddenly, he just glided away. I’m telling you—he’s Nosferatu.”
Amazon’s Official Response – Only Raises More Questions
Amazon’s corporate office quickly denied all allegations, releasing the following deeply suspicious statement:
“Jeff Bezos is a completely normal human being who moves in completely normal human ways. There is absolutely no need for concern, and no further questions will be answered.”
When asked whether Bezos casts a reflection in mirrors, Amazon representatives ended the press conference immediately.
Security Footage “Mysteriously Corrupted”
Following these reports, several workers attempted to check security footage to verify Bezos’ behavior. However, every time someone tried to rewind to a moment when he was allegedly present, the footage would “corrupt itself.”
“We can see everything else—workers, forklifts, deliveries,” said one IT technician. “But whenever we get to a frame where Bezos should be… nothing. Just static.”
Other anomalies include:
- Time stamps skipping forward randomly when Bezos is around.
- Camera feeds briefly going to black whenever he moves past.
- No record of him ever entering or exiting the building—he’s just suddenly there.
“It’s like he doesn’t use doors,” said one facility manager. “He just appears.”
A “Blood Bank” Inside Amazon HQ?
Further fueling speculation, several warehouse workers reported seeing mysterious “medical supply” shipments arriving at Amazon headquarters, with labels reading “Plasma Storage – Keep Chilled” and “Do Not Expose to Sunlight.”
Amazon insists these deliveries are part of a “wellness program” for executives, but employees remain skeptical.
“The man is clearly running a blood bank,” said a whistleblower. “I work at a fulfillment center, and we don’t even get basic healthcare. But the CEO has a steady supply of fresh, chilled plasma? Come on.”
Nobody Knows What Bezos Really Is
At press time:
- Amazon workers were demanding “basic protections against supernatural workplace threats.”
- Jeff Bezos was last seen at an industry event wearing an all-black suit, speaking in a slow, hypnotic voice.
- Amazon stock mysteriously surged 10% at exactly midnight.
- A Harvard historian uncovered a 1904 photograph featuring a bald, Nosferatu-like figure… standing outside what would later become Amazon headquarters.
Meanwhile, Tesla CEO Elon Musk tweeted a poll asking if Bezos should be “exposed to direct sunlight” just to “see what happens.”
Craving more news? Donald Trump pushes for more fine dining in U.S. data centers, while Kim Kardashian takes over a Dow Jones giant.
