WASHINGTON, D.C. – In an unprecedented act of techno-anarchy, Elon Musk has used his newfound access to the U.S. Treasury’s payment system to simply delete all federal taxes. With a single keystroke—executed, no doubt, from a Tesla-branded supercomputer—Musk has fulfilled the libertarian fantasy of a tax-free America, leaving the IRS in a state of total existential crisis.
According to sources inside the Treasury Department, Elon Musk was initially granted access to the payment system to help “optimize” transactions. Instead, he reportedly found a way to bypass all tax collections and, in true Muskian fashion, pressed delete.
“I was just testing the system, and then I thought, what if we tried a world without taxes? Just for fun,” Musk tweeted, along with a GIF of an exploding rocket and a link to a Tesla “Zero Tax” Cybertruck NFT.
Moments later, the U.S. tax revenue balance dropped to $0.00, causing instant panic among government officials—except, of course, for President Donald Trump, who immediately declared the move “the most patriotic thing ever done in history.”
Washington Reacts: “Totally Genius, Totally Illegal”
While Trump was quick to take credit, stating, “Frankly, I told him to do it, okay? It was my idea. Tremendous idea. Maybe the best idea. You’re welcome.”, the Treasury Department was less enthusiastic.
IRS officials, upon realizing that 1040 forms were now as useful as Confederate bonds, attempted to manually reverse Musk’s deletion, only to be met with an error message:
“System override by user @elonmusk. Sorry, nerds.”
Trump’s inner circle, however, is divided. Some advisors have warned that completely eliminating taxes might cause “minor inconveniences” like government shutdowns, military budget shortfalls, and a lack of funding for Trump’s long-promised “World’s Greatest Wall 2.0.” Others, including his sons Eric and Don Jr., celebrated by launching a new NFT collection titled “Patriotic Tax Freedom Eagles.”
Meanwhile, Libertarians across the nation rejoiced, calling for Musk to be put on Mount Rushmore, while progressives attempted to understand whether this was a genuine catastrophe or just another normal Tuesday in America.
Immediate Consequences: Chaos, Celebration, and Capitalism
- The stock market surged as investors realized that companies like Tesla, Amazon, and Goldman Sachs would now be keeping 100% of their earnings.
- Pentagon officials attempted to request funding, only to be redirected to a newly created SpaceX customer service page.
- IRS employees flooded LinkedIn, with thousands updating their bios to “Former Tax Collector – Open to Work.”
Some states, desperate for revenue, have started offering premium services to make up for lost tax income. California now charges $10 per red light stop, while Florida has introduced a $50 “freedom fee” every time you say the word “woke.”
The Trump-Musk Era Begins
While Democrats have vowed to “reinstate taxes immediately,” Trump, in a primetime Truth Social post, said he’s considering a radical “America First Subscription Plan” instead of taxes.
“Folks, you’re gonna love it. It’s like Netflix, but instead of movies, you get freedom. And also, we’re bringing back Trump Steaks with every platinum membership.”
Musk, meanwhile, appears to have moved on, tweeting: “Taxes are mid. Time to fix gravity next.”
So, is this the beginning of a tax-free utopia or just another Musk-fueled fever dream? Only time will tell. In the meantime, if you were behind on your taxes… congratulations, you just got away with it.
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