Washington, D.C. – In a bold new chapter of international trade diplomacy—or what some are calling “tariff Inception”—Donald Trump has announced the implementation of “Meta-Tariffs”, designed specifically to reciprocate the retaliatory tariffs placed on U.S. goods that were themselves a response to U.S. tariffs.
“They taxed our tariffs, so now we’re taxing their taxes on our tariffs,” Donald Trump explained at a press conference held in front of a stack of empty shipping containers. “It’s the most reciprocal move anyone’s ever reciprocated. Believe me.”
Trade Policy or Philosophical Experiment?
The new measure, dubbed “Meta-Tariffs” by the administration and “a fiscal acid trip” by economists, is the latest development in what experts now refer to as the Spiral of Fairness.
According to the White House press release, these tariffs are:
- Retaliatory tariffs placed in retaliation to retaliatory tariffs
- Designed to show strength, symmetry, and stubbornness
- Pending a secondary layer of retaliatory reciprocal counter-tariffs
“This isn’t just trade policy,” said a senior Trump advisor. “It’s art. It’s geometry. It’s revenge algebra.”
Global Response: Mild Panic, Slight Headache
Several countries, including Germany, Canada, and a visibly exhausted South Korea, responded with confusion. A European trade official was quoted saying:
“We don’t know what’s being taxed anymore. We tried to retaliate, but now we’re not sure if we’re retaliating against their retaliation or our own.”
China issued a statement reading: “We would respond, but we’re still mapping the logic tree.”
Markets React with Dizziness
Wall Street’s response was immediate and bizarre:
- Tariff-sensitive stocks dipped, then rallied, then dipped again—mirroring the circular logic of the announcement
- Traders began referring to tariff cycles as “Tariff Fibonacci Waves”
- The Dow briefly displayed a question mark
Trump’s Closing Remark: “It’s the Fairest Fair There’s Ever Been”
In true Trump fashion, the announcement ended with a flourish:
“We’re being so fair, it’s almost unfair to them how fair we are. These meta-tariffs are the fairest unfair tariffs anyone’s ever seen.”
When asked whether he feared a full-blown trade war, Trump simply smirked and said:
“Only if they meta-retaliate. And then we’ll meta-meta them back.”
Analysts are still unsure whether the tariffs will hold, double, cancel each other out, or collapse into a black hole of economic logic. One simply noted:
“At this point, we’re not trading goods. We’re trading symbols.”
Craving more news? Google Maps now decides which countries exist, while Trump is accused of being a KGB spy and responds by slapping tariffs on truth, reality, and logic.
