Palm Beach, FL – Just days after blowing the lid off a private Signal chat detailing active U.S. military strike plans in Yemen, The Atlantic‘s Editor-in-Chief Jeffrey Goldberg has reportedly turned up in yet another unlikely group conversation: a Trump family WhatsApp thread cryptically titled “Big Plans, Small Hands.”
How he ended up in the chat remains unclear. Some sources suggest he was added by accident. Others believe the group was confused and meant to add a different Jeffrey. One Mar-a-Lago staffer, speaking on condition of anonymity, said: “Honestly, it’s hard to tell. The group has like eight Don Juniors in it.”
Live from the Trump Family Inner Circle
According to screenshots leaked by Goldberg himself, the chat is a chaotic mix of memes, misfired voice notes, and half-baked foreign policy suggestions.
One message from Eric Trump reads:
“Should we buy Greenland again? Feels undervalued rn.”
Another from Donald Trump Jr. includes a blurry photo of a globe with the caption:
“What even IS Yemen? Dad said we bombed it but I thought that was a band.”
Goldberg, upon realizing he had access to the group, did what any journalist would do: he took notes, screenshotted everything, and waited for the most awkward moment to go public.
Group Chat Dynamics: Worse Than Expected
Some highlights from the internal chat:
- Ivanka responded “LOL” to a meme comparing Biden to an expired yogurt container.
- Melania appeared once, sending a message that simply said “Leave me out of this.”
- Barron posted a single cryptic GIF of a burning globe, which no one acknowledged.
- A pinned message read: “Reminder: No more planning coups on Thursdays – golf days.”
At one point, someone added “Trump Legal Team” to the group, only for that contact to immediately leave with the message: “Wrong thread again.”
Musk Joins Briefly, For No Reason
In a brief interlude, Elon Musk appeared in the group and sent a single message:
“Dogecoin 2.0. But for wars.”
He was then removed by Tiffany Trump with the note: “Elon pls.”
Goldberg Issues Statement, Remains Confused
Reached for comment, Goldberg stated:
“Look, I didn’t ask to be here. But once I was, journalistic ethics required that I read everything.”
He also clarified that he had never received so many typos, voice memos, and unsolicited flag GIFs in such a short period of time.
WhatsApp Reacts – Shrugs
- Meta issued a vague statement: “We encourage users to be mindful of who they’re adding to private groups containing nuclear-level idiocy.”
- The group is now reportedly locked, although Goldberg noted, “They forgot to remove me.”
At press time, Goldberg had just been added to a new chat titled “CPAC 2025: Stage Ideas + Trap Doors?”
He confirmed he plans to stick around “until things get weird – or, you know, weirder.”
Craving more news? China considers blocking plumbing exports after Trump’s toilet visits keep triggering new tariffs.
