If you’re sitting on a pile of wealth and thinking, “I need to lose it all, and fast,” then you’ve come to the right place. Forget long-term investment strategies or smart diversification—here are 10 surefire ways to burn through your entire fortune in less time than it takes to drink a cup of artisanal coffee.
1. Buy NFTs from Your Neighbor’s Dog
The future of digital art, they say. Just don’t mind the fact that your neighbor’s dog has only learned how to bark and occasionally chase its tail. If you buy enough, you’ll lose a fortune quicker than you can say, “Bark-to-earn.”
2. Start a Cryptocurrency Called ‘LostCoin’
Launch your own token with zero utility, and market it as “the next Bitcoin, but with more risk.” Watch your assets plummet as people start using it to buy nothing at all. (It’s art, really.) In 10 minutes, you’ll be in the negative.
3. Invest in ‘Solar-Powered’ Airplanes
Sure, airplanes are cool, but solar-powered ones? Next level, right? But it turns out, airplanes don’t exactly fly well on sunshine alone. You’ll go from zero to broke in seconds, especially when everyone realizes the concept doesn’t even work.
4. Build a Luxury Resort on a Puddle
Why waste your time with beachfront property when you can purchase a luxurious, state-of-the-art resort on the finest puddle you can find? Charge guests for “ocean views” and watch your assets evaporate like that water in the sun.
5. Bet Your Entire Fortune on the Next “Big Thing”
Whether it’s that revolutionary new sneaker that promises to make you jump 12 feet or a car that runs on love and dreams, betting on anything without considering the practicalities is a classic move. If you lose all your money, at least you’ll be left with a cool, useless artifact.
6. Invest in “Anti-Gravity” Coffee Cups
These are just regular coffee cups, but they’re marketed as “anti-gravity” because the contents float when you pour them into the cup. They’re not just overpriced; they’re fundamentally flawed. In 10 minutes, your bank account will reflect just how gravity works.
7. Get Involved in a Ponzi Scheme with Your Own Name
Yes, you heard that right. Create a Ponzi scheme where people invest in you. Then, immediately give them all the money to someone else who looks vaguely like you. Poof—wealth gone, and you’re left wondering how it all happened.
8. Buy a Fleet of Flying Cars That Don’t Exist
We’re in the age of flying cars, right? So, why not take your fortune and buy up a fleet of them? Just don’t ask where they’re supposed to fly or if they’re even real. In 10 minutes, you’ll be on the ground—both figuratively and literally.
9. Donate Your Entire Net Worth to a Charity You Just Made Up
You’ve heard of giving back, right? But why not be truly philanthropic by creating a charity on the spot and donating your entire fortune to it? It’ll be a complete loss, of course, but you can always take comfort in the warm feeling of an empty wallet.
10. Sign a Contract with the Devil—Twice
Feeling lucky? Just sign a contract with the devil for a second time. What could go wrong? In 10 minutes, not only will you lose your fortune, but your soul might be in play too. Talk about an expedited financial meltdown.
Craving more news? Meanwhile, Donald Trump seizes control of the church, while Elon Musk unveils a scandalous new Tesla model.
