WASHINGTON D.C. – In a move that has left the tech world stunned, former (and now current) U.S. President Donald Trump has unveiled a bold new solution to America’s ongoing semiconductor shortage: replacing high-performance computer chips with Lay’s potato chips.
Speaking at a rally in Texas, Donald Trump proudly held up a family-size bag of Lay’s Classic. “We have the best chips, folks. The BEST. And they’re made right here in America. You go to China, do they have Lay’s? No. They have weird chips, folks. Very bad. Very sad.”
Trump then announced his plan to phase out semiconductor imports entirely, replacing them with what he called “a much tastier alternative.”
“We don’t need Taiwan! We don’t need China! We’ve got everything we need in a single bag. Sour Cream & Onion, BBQ, even those weird Dill Pickle ones. Chips for everyone!”
Tech Industry Reacts
While many in attendance cheered, tech executives struggled to process the proposal. NVIDIA CEO Jensen Huang attempted to explain why Lay’s might not be a viable replacement. “Sir, with all due respect… Lay’s are… um, food. Our GPUs require advanced silicon fabrication, not lightly salted potatoes.”
Trump was undeterred. “Jensen, let me tell you, we’ve tried those ‘advanced’ chips, and look where we are! Prices through the roof! But Lay’s? You can buy them anywhere. Beautiful supply chain. Stronger than Taiwan’s.”
Data Centers Begin Trials
In an effort to appease the administration, some U.S. data centers have begun experimental “Lay’s Integration Programs.” Early reports are mixed. While IT teams appreciate the convenience of snacking on company assets, actual server performance has dropped significantly.
“We loaded up a rack with Lay’s Sour Cream & Onion, but for some reason, our AI model just keeps outputting ‘crunch crunch crunch’ instead of data,” reported one Google Cloud engineer. “Also, everything smells weird now.”
Elon Musk Chimes In
Predictably, Elon Musk entered the conversation, tweeting:
“Potato chips in data centers? Bold move. Tesla will launch its own chip—100% made of Pringles. More aerodynamic. Also, coming soon: NeuralSnack.”
Despite widespread industry skepticism, Trump remains confident in his plan. “The semiconductor industry is run by globalists. But America will be back on top, folks. With our new strategy, we’ll have the fastest, crispiest servers in the world.”
As of now, data centers continue their struggle, engineers remain baffled, and Lay’s stock has mysteriously skyrocketed.
Craving more news? The Fed unveils an ambitious master plan involving eggs, while Canada launches a bizarre revenge campaign against the U.S., using sheer creativity to counter those pesky tariffs.
