WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a brilliant act of economic warfare, China has retaliated against U.S. tariffs by deploying an army of millions of Chinese tourists to America – but with one devastating twist: They refuse to spend a single cent.
This “reverse-invasion” strategy, dubbed “Operation Sightseeing-Only”, has left American businesses in absolute panic, as malls, restaurants, and tourist attractions are flooded with eager visitors… who simply take photos and walk away.
Tourists Overrun the U.S. Economy – But Tip Nothing
Within 24 hours of the operation’s launch, American business owners began realizing the horrifying reality:
- Starbucks is packed, but nobody is buying coffee.
- Disneyland is full, yet no tickets are sold.
- Las Vegas hotels are swarmed with tourists – all of whom sleep in rental cars instead of booking rooms.
“We have record-high foot traffic, but literally zero revenue,” complained a desperate New York restaurant owner. “Yesterday, a tour group of 200 people came in, took photos of our menu, and then just left.”
Local Businesses Try to Fight Back – And Fail Miserably
As the crisis deepens, American businesses are desperately attempting new tactics to force tourists to spend money:
- McDonald’s put up a sign that says “Bathrooms for Paying Customers Only.” Chinese tourists took pictures of the sign and left.
- Airbnb started requiring all guests to pay in advance. Tourists simply switched to sleeping in public parks.
- New York cab drivers tried to trick tourists into tipping. Tourists smiled, nodded, and kept exact change.
“We’re witnessing an act of pure genius,” admitted an economist on CNN. “They’re obeying every U.S. law, yet they’re completely dismantling the economy. We literally can’t stop them.”
Trump Reacts: “We Need to Build a Wall to Keep the Tourists Out”
Panicked by reports of American shopping malls being full but profitless, President Donald Trump held an emergency press conference, calling the situation “a national disaster, maybe the worst disaster, folks.”
“This is economic terrorism,” Trump declared. “I mean, I love the Chinese people. Great people. Tremendous. But they are coming here and buying NOTHING. Not even a single MAGA hat! Disgraceful!”
To counteract the invasion, Trump is now proposing a “Tourist Spending Quota”, which would require all foreign visitors to spend at least $500 before they are allowed to leave the country.
However, China’s state media mocked the idea, pointing out that American tourists do the exact same thing when visiting China – spending all their time taking selfies at the Great Wall without buying anything.
“They’re just playing our own game against us,” admitted one frustrated tourism official.
America Falls, China Laughs
As the U.S. economy collapses under the weight of unpaid restaurant bills and empty souvenir shops, China has declared total victory, with state media calling the operation “the most successful peaceful invasion in history.”
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